Dear...
Your Unsent Letters...Sent
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Everyone,
My dad died last week. He was 62 years old, and had a massive heart attack while watching the evening news. It was quick, he didn't even have a chance to do the TV thing and grab at his chest while asking someone to call 911. He took a deep breath and said "No," and then was gone. There was nothing anyone could do.
We're burying him tomorrow. His death came out of left field. No one expected it and we all thought he would be around forever. Because he was active and he was healthy and happy. He didn't smoke and had a drink maybe once a week. There was no reason to expect him to die.
After he was pronounced dead officially at the hospial we were approached by a doctor who offered his condolences, and then said he wished he had been more forceful at getting my dad in to have more tests done and to have the angiogram he thought my dad needed.
That was like getting slugged in the face with a hot poker.
So now we know that the dad we thought was healthy as a horse actually had seen a doctor for chest pain and that his blood pressure was high except for one leg where it was low. His doctors wanted him to undergo tests to look for peripheral artery disease and they wanted to look at his heart because they were sure he had clogged arteries. We also know that he'd had several small skin cancers removed in the last couple of years and was borderline diabetic.
There were a lot of things we did not know about him, medically. If we had known we could have pushed him to get things taken care of. And maybe his dying wouldn't have felt like getting run over by a semi-truck filled with explosives. It would have hurt all the same but at least we would have had some position to stand in other than the one that was the most surprising and overwhelming.
I miss my dad and would give anything to change that he's dead but I'm also super pissed.
I'm sure he felt that his medical problems were no one else's business and he wasnt't the kind of person who ever wanted pity or even sympathy. I respect his right to privacy, but if we hadn't met that doctor we probably wouldn't have looked for more information. His medical problems are my family history. Those are things people need to know, so they know what to look for as they get older and they have the chance to make lifestyle changes that can help prevent them from happening.
If he had told us, not only would we have had that information all along, we would have known that there was always that slim chance that he wouldn't live as long as we wanted him to.
There's being private, and then there's being stubborn and selfish. Please, if you have a medical histoty, you have to share that with your kids. They have the right to prepare themseves for what might happen, and they have the right to be proactive on their own behalf.
Please be honest. Because you want your kids to have a chance at a life longer than yours, isn't you?
We're burying him tomorrow. His death came out of left field. No one expected it and we all thought he would be around forever. Because he was active and he was healthy and happy. He didn't smoke and had a drink maybe once a week. There was no reason to expect him to die.
After he was pronounced dead officially at the hospial we were approached by a doctor who offered his condolences, and then said he wished he had been more forceful at getting my dad in to have more tests done and to have the angiogram he thought my dad needed.
That was like getting slugged in the face with a hot poker.
So now we know that the dad we thought was healthy as a horse actually had seen a doctor for chest pain and that his blood pressure was high except for one leg where it was low. His doctors wanted him to undergo tests to look for peripheral artery disease and they wanted to look at his heart because they were sure he had clogged arteries. We also know that he'd had several small skin cancers removed in the last couple of years and was borderline diabetic.
There were a lot of things we did not know about him, medically. If we had known we could have pushed him to get things taken care of. And maybe his dying wouldn't have felt like getting run over by a semi-truck filled with explosives. It would have hurt all the same but at least we would have had some position to stand in other than the one that was the most surprising and overwhelming.
I miss my dad and would give anything to change that he's dead but I'm also super pissed.
I'm sure he felt that his medical problems were no one else's business and he wasnt't the kind of person who ever wanted pity or even sympathy. I respect his right to privacy, but if we hadn't met that doctor we probably wouldn't have looked for more information. His medical problems are my family history. Those are things people need to know, so they know what to look for as they get older and they have the chance to make lifestyle changes that can help prevent them from happening.
If he had told us, not only would we have had that information all along, we would have known that there was always that slim chance that he wouldn't live as long as we wanted him to.
There's being private, and then there's being stubborn and selfish. Please, if you have a medical histoty, you have to share that with your kids. They have the right to prepare themseves for what might happen, and they have the right to be proactive on their own behalf.
Please be honest. Because you want your kids to have a chance at a life longer than yours, isn't you?
Unsent Letters, 12:46 AM
2 Comments:
My condolences.
caramaena, at June 12, 2007 3:58 AM
I'm sorry you had to go through this. I am going to print your letter and give it to my husband, who is like your dad. He won't go to a doctor (that we know about) and we are so frustrated by him. I hope our children don't ever have to write a letter like yours.
