Dear...

Look, I was not following you. You were safe behind the locked doors of your little Civic anyway, and I was vulnerable on my bike; you saw me there in the parking lot of the 99 cent store, waiting at the end of the row to make a right turn so that I could get out of the parking lot. You hunkered down, pretended I wasn't there, and wouldn't let me in the line of cars, but that's all right because the guy behind you did.

But I noticed as I was behind you, that you kept looking in your rearview mirror, and the longer I followed you, the more worried your eyes seemed. You turned right at the next light, and so did I. You turned right at the light after that, and so did I. But I wasn't "following" you, we just happened to be heading in the same direction, and we just happened to both be going to the grocery store.

I didn't tailgate you and I didn't honk or make threatening gestures, I was just riding to get where I was going, and when I pulled into the parking lot you slammed on your brakes, opened your window and screamed STOP FOLLOWING ME OR I'M CALLING THE POLICE!

Until that point I felt kind of bad, but now not so much, because now I feel judged. Yeah you were crying and that's a shame, but it's only because you decided that because I was on a bike, I must be up to no good. I slowed long enough to shout back I'M NOT FOLLOWING YOU, I NEED SOME DAMNED BREAD but I'm not sure you heard me. You were too busy scrambling to put your window up, as if I might reach through and yank you from behind the wheel.

Lady, I'm a biker, not a criminal. I wasn't even dressed like a "biker" I was wearing a bright yellow jacket for Pete's sake.

I'm sorry for whatever makes you think people on bikes are out to get you, but you have to get over it. And the next time you slam on your brakes with a bike behind you might be the time you kill someone. If I hadn't been expecting it, I would have ridden right up yout tailpipe into the next life, and that idea really pisses me off.

Irritatingly,
Lady On The Blue Bike

Why did you check yourself out of the hospital? You might still be alive today if you had stayed. I'm sure you knew how sick you were. They could have helped you. It was not necessarily a fatal condition. You coming home made it that way. Your dying was a nightmare for all of us. We were so young and growing up without a mother, especially in our family, was so, so hard. I missed you so much.

You know, several years ago they found out what causes ulcers. Bacteria does it. If you had taken some antibiotics when you first started feeling symptoms you'd have been fine. I find it such a waste that a simple bacteria killed you. I know it may not have been as easy as that. But then again, you never went to a doctor. You never even tried. Why is that?

Does it have the same thing to do with you dropping out of nursing school. I'm told you were top in your class. All your teachers tried to talk you out of it. They even went to your home to talk to your family about it. No one knows why you dropped out. I've asked. One of my many unanswered questions. I guess I'll never know.

Anyway, I miss you,

Love,
Leelee

Shutupshutupshutupshutupshutup. In the seven years I have worked with I have not ever nor ever will care about your landlord, sister, mom, cousin, sister’s cat Stella, friends, friend’s dog, etc. You go on and on like you are afraid of silence and if it isn’t some inane story about people we have not yet nor never will meet or care about then it is constant complaining. Usually you are off training new employees but things have been slow and you’ve been in the office for three weeks and I am ready to let loose. Two hours of trying to buy a plane ticket and having issues and making multiple calls to get the issues resolved followed by another hour of telling everyone what happened (We sit 5 feet away! You talk loudly! We already know what happened!!!!!). Then there is the martyrdom of rewriting some training material. I do it every day on multiple programs for multiple sites and clients without the constant commentary. Must you say everything out loud? “I can’t believe this isn’t working”, “I’m so busy”, “Why doesn’t this work”, and on and on. Again that fear of silence.

The weekend cannot happen fast enough just for the peace and quiet away from you. Training classes cannot happen soon enough so I can start getting some work done in a timely manner with out your constant distractions.

Sincerely,
Frustrated Beyond Ability to Reason

I am so sorry. I totally blew off Mother's Day. I didn't mean to, I would never intentially be that insensitive, but it honestly never crossed my mind that it was coming up, and I didn't realize I'd missed it until Monday. I suck as your child, and you have every right to be mad as hell.

I know you'll forgive me, but I'm not really sure you should.

--your wayward kid--

We are not a collective of 3 year olds. Please, stop using baby talk. The word is not "bennies," it's benefits. It's not "pressies," it's presents. I know it seems innocuous enough, but honestly, an adult engaging in baby talk with another adult simply comes off as pathetic and immature, and my equally immature impulse is to slap the cute right out of you.

I have so many things I want to say to you. So many questions that I have, so many times I tried to say them, but I always lost my nerve. I'm so scared of what the answer will be.

I often wondered if you new the truth maybe we would still be speaking to each other. It has taken most of my adult life to figure it out.

God I wish I said it to you, to see the look on your face. To hear in your own words what your response would be. Even now I can't bring myself to write it down. Of all the questions I have it comes down to just this one.

WHY COULD'NT YOU LOVE ME?

What would be your answer? With this question comes the basic truth, all I ever wanted was for you to love me! With this one question comes so many unanswered. Was I such a terrible child, not worthy of your love? I was so frightened that if I did something bad you would send me away. I did everything you told me. I kept the house clean. I had good grades. When I was with my friends I never drank, or did drugs, or made out with a guy, I did all that you asked!

Yet it was never enough.

You kept telling me that I was a bad person, because I talked back to you. That I would amount to no good. All because I questioned you and argued with you.

Despite what you thought I'm someone worthy of being loved!

Sincerely
Your adopted daughter

(I saw your names on the legal documents, but I'm sorry; I don't remember them),

I truly hope that you are settling into your new home well and comfortably. It's not a big house, I know, and yes, it could do with some improvements. But I sincerely hope you appreciate the home for what it is. It's a decent house; not fancy, not huge. But safe, secure, and filled with the spirits of a lot of love.

I remember the first time I ever saw that house. I loved it instantly. I did. It was so much better than anything else I'd seen up to that point. The kitchen was a little too brown, and the bathroom was altogether much too 70's, but other than that, it was pretty well perfect. From the moment I moved in, I was so happy. It's true. I know you young people won't understand that someone could get such happiness from a house, but I did. Because you see, it was more than just a house to me. It was my independence. It was my power. It was a sign that I'd finally made it. And I was the happiest person in the world. I didn't need anything else. I was single - who cares? I was in a job I hated - big deal! I owned my own house. That was what mattered.

I know people say memories are something you can take with you. And of course, that's true. But I was part of some very special memories in that house. In the loungeroom, sitting on the floor on Christmas Day, unwrapping presents from my boyfriend, that first year we were together. That was when he told me he loved me. And in that same room the following year, he lit candles, put on some soft music, and proposed to me. In that very loungeroom. Then when we were expecting our first baby, we spent every spare minute decorating the spare room. You'll notice the walls are painted yellow. We didn't know if we were having a girl or a boy. We just knew we were having a beautiful baby. And those curtains? The ones with the alphabet on them? My sister made them. We went shopping for the material together. I still remember the trouble we had trying to line up the hooks to the track so it would open and close. We got there in the end. She had some material left over and we covered a cushion with it. I still have that cushion. And then of course, the day we brought our baby home from hospital. Through that front door, down the hallway and straight into the cot in her room. Two years later when baby number two came along, we moved our oldest daughter into the other room - you know, the one at the end of the hallway. It runs off the family room. Well, we actually called it the playroom, because that's where all the kid's toys were kept.

I wonder if you've had a chance to do anything with the back yard? We always planned to. We were going to build a beautiful deck, and put in a landscaped garden. Never did get around to it though. It's a nice enough back yard. Although the lemon tree never really gave us any decent lemons!

What do you think of the bathroom? We renovated it especially for the sale, you know. It was awful! The bath and basin were orange, and the vanity was a horrible thing that we think was supposed to look like marble, but instead just looked tacky. And the shower screen was this frosted glass in a nauseating shade of orange. Not at all pretty. Much better now. White wall tiles and a beautiful, clear shower screen. We thought it was better to go for the subtle, rather than the garish.

I hope you have a long and happy life in that house. I hope you're as happy as we were there. Oh, and the neighbours? They're quite okay. Especially the ones at number 14. A bit noisy at times, but very friendly. The lady on your other side, at number 10 - she's a little quiet. Keeps very much to herself. I don't even know her name.

Well I'm off now. Enjoy your home. Oh and by the way, thanks for not passing on my mail! Because of you I got pulled over by the cops for driving an unregistered vehicle and had to pay an extra $537! I didn't know the registration was due. I never take any notice of those things. All you had to do was forward the bill.

Anyway, that's it from me. You take care of that house.

Remember, I know where you live.

Sincerely,

Ex-No.12 resident.

How is it that you were able to go about your life and not care where we were or what we were doing. Did you ever wonder how or where we were getting food to eat or clothes to wear? You knew there was nothing in the house. You never gave us money to by anything. Life was so hard for us kids. We did not want much. Is buying food for your kids too much to ask? I don't think so. At least when mom was alive you gave her money to feed us. You let us down when we needed you the most. You failed miserably as a father.

We all turned out OK in spite of everything. It's a miracle we did. Mom must have been watching over us. I thank God for all the great friends I had that helped me back then. If not for them I don't know where I'd be now. For you I feel almost nothing. Just wanted to let you know.

Your
Daughter

I'm sure you don't remember this, but I do, and to this day, fifteen years later, it still brings me great sadness when I think about it. You were just being a cat, stubborn, and repeatedly insisting on getting on my bed and sleeping on my pillow. Determined to make me start wheezing and sneezing when I would go to bed at night on that very same pillow. I could have just shut you out of the bedroom, but instead, out of anger and frustration, I threw you off the bed. You landed hard (on your feet), and you weren't hurt, but I was, and still am. I can never take that moment of anger back.

I'm sorry too, for the times I let life's sh*t get in my way, and occupy my time, causing me to not give you (and the others) all the love and attention you deserve. And now you are gone, with hardly the time to say goodbye. You, with your furry little face, marvelously soulful eyes, and direct and to the point meows, you will never be forgotten.

Rest in Peace my little friend.

I'm sure you don't remember this, but I do, and to this day, fifteen years later, it still brings me great sadness when I think about it. You were just being a cat, stubborn, and repeatedly insisting on getting on my bed and sleeping on my pillow. Determined to make me start wheezing and sneezing when I would go to bed at night on that very same pillow. I could have just shut you out of the bedroom, but instead, out of anger and frustration, I threw you off the bed. You landed hard (on your feet), and you weren't hurt, but I was, and still am. I can never take that moment of anger back.

I'm sorry too, for the times I let life's sh*t get in my way, and occupy my time, causing me to not give you (and the others) all the love and attention you deserve. And now you are gone, with hardly the time to say goodbye. You, with your furry little face, marvelously soulful eyes, and direct and to the point meows, you will never be forgotten.

Rest in Peace my little friend.

I'm not gay. Stop telling me it's all right if I am. In your zeal to show how progressive you are, it just feels like you're trying to convince yourselves of something you're not sure about. I'm not gay, I'm not going to suddenly turn gay, and you don't have to ponder my future as if I were. I'm straight. I have gay friends, but you wouldn't know from looking at them, so just stop already. Yeah, it's okay to be gay but it's not okay to make such an issue about it.

Um, You might want to really read your wants before posting them, because "Wanted: rat cage for my 2 kids" might not come off the way you intended.

Pleeze stahp givink mee baaad graydz. Yor klass iz jus two harrd. Inklish shukld knot bee abowt gud spelink, et shuld bee abowt efert. Sumday eye wil bee yor bauss---win eye ahm thu prinsiple sew eye hoep yoo wil bee nise two mee becuz thenn eye wil bee nise two yoo. Rily, itz gunna hapin! Sea howw unimportint spelink iz? Yoo kin reed thiss an unnerstandink iz haf thu batle!

Sinsirly,
Yor elevinth graid klass
Sedir Poynt HS

Some mutual friends have let me know you can't figure out why I decided we could no longer be friends. Evidently you were super pissed that I said I just couldn't do it anymore, wished you well, and then backed off.

Sorry you were pissed, but the truth of it is I had to stop being your friend because I realized contact with you was changing me. You keep telling the world how giivng you are, but the truth is, you're not a kind person. The longer I hung out with you, the less kind I was becoming. That's not the person I want to be.

No I don't think you'll agree with me. You have an inflated self image, whether your recognize it or not. But think about it, does a kind person publically announce a list of people they no longer want to associate with? Does a kind person make fun of others behind their backs while being pseudo nice to their face? Does a kind person take verbal jabs at someone else's faith and then brish it off with "but I didn't mean you?"

The distance between us began about 2 years ago, so I really didn't think you'd give a damn that I was stepping away. But instead of telling others I need to learn how to be a better friend, perhaps you should look back to see the signs, and figure out your part in it.

I don't want to be the person laughing at others when they're not around to defend themselves. I don't want to excise people from my life just because they disagree with my POV. Around you, I was becoming that person.

I really do wish you well. I loved you like a sibling, but I just couldn't do it any more. I didn't like the person I was becoming around you.

~~Munkeh Fodder~~

Welcome to our beautiful city! Enjoy the sights, enjoy the shopping, enjoy all we have to offer, we love you, really........but please, please, please....pay a little attention to the world around you!

If you are unfamiliar with how the 'Walk/Don't Walk' signs work, let me help you. It's simple...the white walking person figure means walk....the red hand means don't walk. Please take a moment to make sure you know what you should do before you set off across the street. All of us still have to go to work, to school, to appointments....and we rely on you to do your part and pay attention.

Scooter renters....we aren't sure what the rules are where you come from, but here in Canada, we have a thing called a 'Helmet Law'....so it's not only foolish, it's illegal for you to ride without one. Fair warning that it's pretty obvious which rental place you're renting from because it's splashed all over your scoot, so expect us citizens to have reported you to the rental agency. Or expect to fork out a good chunk of coin if the cops see you. Better all that than to have your brains scraped off the pavement, I suppose, but isn't it wiser to just not take that chance?

So please, come visit..stay a while...come shop where I work...I love meeting out-of-towners! But please, American friends, don't be so shocked when I give you your change back in Canadian money when you pay with U.S. dollars....remember...you are in Canada. I don't expect to go to the states and use my Canadian money there. Enjoy the experience of using different currency...that's what travelling is all about, right? Why does this seem to upset many of you? I don't get it.

That is all.
Thankyou.
signed
your smilingwithgrittedteeth sales clerk

Look, touching your butt to the toilet seat is not going to make your flesh erupt into boils and burns. I understand why you think the toilet seat is too gross to actually sit upon, but come on. It's gross because people like you hover over instead of sitting, and you wind up peeing all over it, and then you leave without cleaning it off. Just sit already! I swear, it's not fatal. But if you don't stop doing it I might just have to chase after you and pummel you over the head with a roll of single ply sandpaper-grit quality TP. Clean up your own pee, please. It's not my job.

Signed,

I Don't Even Work Here

I hope your realize your windows are not tinted dark enough. Everyone can see you there, digging in your nose for treasure, and then eating it. Please save the snack hunt for when you get home.

--Grossed Out In Reno--

Look, your sale does not end with me riding off on my shiny new bike, the one I just signed away five years of my financial life for. Face it, sooner or later the bike will need service of some sort, either routine maintenance or repair. Things break. It happens. It’s not necessarily a reflection of the product.

So when something breaks and it’s close to the end of the warranty, don’t let your service department dick around with the customer. Don’t allow them to fall back on “we couldn’t reproduce the problem” as an excuse for not fixing it. The problem doesn’t happen every single time the bike is fired up. Based on what I’m describing, you should at least attempt to track it down instead of riding my bike for 5 minutes and then telling me you can’t reproduce it.

My gut tells me that not too long after the warranty expires I’ll wind up bringing the bike back, and you’ll miraculously figure it out. With no warranty, you’re going to be willing to actually take things apart and look at them, because that’s a whole lot of chargeable labor.

By then, it’s going to be too late. Because by then I won’t trust your dealership and I’ll be sure my next bike purchase will be made elsewhere. I might enjoy my bike and I might buy another one just like it, but it won’t be from you.

You see, when you sold me the bike, you were applying for the position of selling me future bikes. A new one for me someday, one for my wife, one for my kid—at least one new, probably more expensive bike, and as many as 3. Not to mention, I could have recommended you to dozens of friends.

If you find the problem after the warranty expires and don’t cover it…my dollars go elsewhere.

Sincerely,
Your Customer

Ok we don’t know who you are or when you hit our car but we’re really, really upset about it. And you didn’t even have the courtesy to leave a note. Our brand new car. Only a week old. We don’t have the money to get it fixed now. Obviously you didn’t have money either. Or insurance. Fortunately we do but we still have to come up with the deductible. I wonder if you’re sleeping tonight. I know I won’t much worrying about it.

Signed,
Very Upset Car Owner

Baby,

Im sorry for all the lies. Im sorry for all the wasted years. Im sorry for never letting you know...Im sorry I let you go all those years without letting you know I love you. Things should be so much different for us...We should be happy...Me You and Cody should be a family, like God meant for us to be. But because of me, that will never happen, because you cannot let go of the past..you cant let go of the pain I caused you by not letting you know I love you and Im so sorry baby...I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to hurt you. When I came back to you a year ago today...I wanted us to be together forever. I wanted us to grow old together. I wanted us to take care of each other and I wanted us to die together when we were to old to keep going. I need you so much. I want you so much. I want you to want me as much as I want you. But you dont. So I must let you go..I dont want to..that is the last thing I want on this earth..but you want me to let you go and I promised you all you have to do is tell me and I will let you go...you said Goodbye...so now...with the most pain Ive ever felt in my entire life..I say Goodbye to you Warren...I wish you only love...To you I wish you Everything, and all the BEST that life can bring...I only hope you think of me sometimes....Think of me sometimes Baby...I will love you always...you are my ONE true love...The love of my life...there will never be another you...I LOVE YOU WARREN S......Dont EVER forget...Me and Your Son Cody Love you...BE HAPPY, GOODBYE BABY

From Your Good Girl Forever....
Laurie