For almost 5 years I have loved you unconditionally.... All of your flaws, from the horrible way that you snore, to the way that you can't understand that not every situation is appropriate for a joke, or your inability to figure out the difference between the words "moot" and "mute". I have loved you, and put your needs ahead of my own, and tolerated your poor behavior when it has manifested itself. But I loved you none the less, because I saw the good in you. I saw how you cared about other's feelings, and cared enough to feed the birds our old stale bread. I saw how you made sure that you never littered, and made sure to remove a stray hair that might find its way onto my clothing. I saw how you made sure your daughter knew she was always loved by her father, and how you always looked out for me in my times of need. I saw your intelligence, even when you yourself questioned it. I believed you loved me, and for a time, I felt it, and never questioned it. Sure, we had our issues, but the love was always there.

Now you tell me that you f***** up, and have allowed some other woman to steal a piece of your heart from me. Or rather, you GAVE a piece of your heart to her. You tell me that you are sorry, and want to make it work with me. And all the while, as I listened to you tell me how you violated the trust that we had built over 5 years, I remained willing to try to work it out with you. I told you that I would make no promises that it would work; you had done a lot of damage, and I don't know if I can ever forgive you for it, or move beyond it. But I was willing to try. But instead of kissing my feet, singing my praises and thanking God that you have a woman like me who hasn't kicked you out on your behind (which is probably what you deserve), you proceed to tell me that a part of you still misses her. You tell me that you are not 100% sure that you made the right choice by staying with me ... you are "80% sure", but something is blocking you. You admit that she is no competition for me ... she isn't mature, you can't talk to her the way that you can talk to me, she is irrational, moody, and frankly, you don't like her demeanor. And you admit that do not love her anywhere near as much as you love me. But you are still torn.

Well, dear so called loving boyfriend, I am on the verge of helping you find your way out of your funk. I am on the verge of doing what I probably should have done when I overheard you talking to her on the phone outside of our front door (dude, are you really THAT stupid???) I am on the verge of KICKING YOU OUT! If you can't see what you have in me, then you don't deserve me. You better wise up, and wise up soon, and forget about your little tramp ... or you will lose the best thing that has ever happened to you.

Sincerely,

Your fed up girlfriend

Now, I LOVE HGTV and all, but last night I went on a rant and my husband said, "Don't talk to ME about it, you're the one who watches that inane channel." So here I am, telling you all:

On "House Hunters" I hear couples who are searching for 'just the right place' saying, "Oh, that bedroom is a little small, but it could work for Davy." And then at the next room, "Oh, that bedroom is not large, but it could work for Amy." (And people, what we're looking at are spaces that are about closet sized...) And then they get to the "Master Suite" and we hear, "Oh, how very spacious," and what we have is a bedroom big enough to house two King beds and a sitting room, a bathroom big enough to include a dining table, and a closet bigger than both kids bedrooms put together (and the husband says, "it should be big enough for all of your shoes"). Here is the rant: People, every square foot of wasted space that you put into the "Master Suite" in which you will sleep and shower is a square foot that you have taken from your child's bedroom...think about it.

Thanks for listening,

Someone who bought a house with a smallish "Master Suite" (built in the early 70's) but my son has room to have three friends stay overnight in his bedroom (and they are all teenagers and take up space.)

Yes, all of you over the past 20 years

Oh Grow Up...

You think you are all smart and kickass. You think you know it all. You have lived a sheltered preppy life. You feel it's okay to say shit about me. You think it's okay to gossip. You think it's okay to tease me because "oh look, it's the geeky poor girl who has no friends." And then you have to be all like "Oh, you know she is a child abuser right, don't leave your kids around her." OR rolling their eyes at me when our paths cross at the grocery store.

Or even telling people that I think sex is gross and that I told the entire faculty that a certain someone was having sex with their ex-husband. (Frankly, my dear, I don't give a ---- if you are shagging your ex, I don't want to know about it. I don't live with you, and I really don't care what you do outside of work.) Or even worse, telling someone asinine stories about me while you are talking out your arse. Even if you had your facts straight, gossip has a way of stabbing you in the back. It will always come back to haunt you.

FYI, I was a nanny for 7 years. I did not once so much as even threaten to hit one of the three girls I raised. A disappointed look and telling them that I was upset with their actions and having them sit down and think about it worked brilliantly. I have never hit any human. In fact, I hit my dog once for peeing on me while I was in bed, I cried for a week! The first time I hit a sparrow with my car, I was too much of a wreck to drive home. So if you, little peons, so much as spread one more rumor that I beat kids, or that I am pedophile, or that I shag married men, or that a covet your husband, or that I am a fat slut, be careful that those lies you tell yourself don't come back to haunt you. And leave alone! Seriously.

Let me go on. You think just because I don't dress preppy and act affected that I am stupid and unintelligent. You think because you get your fake nails done at a salon and die your hair and wear your preppy clothes that you have a right to call me stupid poor retarded. HA. I may not act like you, I may not stand around and gossip to my friends worry about my next mall trip for cloths. You know what, that does not mean I am stupid. And that doesn't give you the right to say things about me. I can hear you. You weren't standing that far away form me.

Let me tell you this. I know I am smarter than you. I know that I could beat you at many things. I don't shove it in your face that I am accomplished and have a higher education. So why do you shove it in my face that you are married, have money to shop at the mall, and all the other shallow crap? I don't bite my nails; you can quit telling people I do. I cut my nails short because I found that I could have long nails and type 12 words per minute, or I could have short nails and type 80-120 words per minute. When it comes to earning a living and having money to pay bills, the higher typing speed won over long fingernails.

And while we are on the subject, in case you didn't know, let me tell you about my family history. My grandmother and grandfather fled Hitler and the Russians who fought them for their land. My family, fled Finland and left their estate and homeland and castle, yes, I said castle, and stowed away on a ship to the Americas. Yes, my grandparents were finish royals who became illegal immigrants in this country. Just because they left their royal life, doesn't mean they neglected good breeding. My grandfather on my dad's side, he was a millionaire and his wife, my other grandmother, was a movie star with good breeding too.

So, in case you are wondering, up until a certain age, I was well bred and mannered too. I could tell you exactly which piece of flatware, utensil, and dish to use at what point in the meal for a 50 piece place setting before the age of five. By the age of 7, I spoke several languages, and began to learn American English.

You want to know the truth, I am not poor now because my family is poor, but because my dad became a drunk when I was in my pre-teens and our family was partially cut out of the will. Which meant, I was cut out of the will.

So you can make your snide jokes about me and treat me like dirt beneath your feat, you are really the scum. At least I am civil to you and smile and know how to act in society like any good girl should. And not, I don't act affected and stuck up, like you do.

I also don't make up slanderous lies and stories. I don't think that you have a right to treat me in such a childish manner just because you think you are better. You are not better, nobody is better. Nobody is really born into any real privilege or lifestyle. It's all just a facade, all stations in life are equal, and a bum on the street has as much good breeding as someone in the white house. You're a moron!

And furthermore, you do not have the right to make up stories about me.

• You do not have the right, my ex-boss at the college, to tell the entire faculty that I watched porn at work. You lied and destroyed my career in the math department. You freaking lied. I would never watch porn.


• Stepmother, or should I call you step-fucker. You told people I loved that I was a pedophile. You also told people I killed people. You told people I was a lesbian. From the time I was 6 years old on, you beat me up daily and you lied to people about me. Way to freaking go. Even my birth mother, who thanks to my drunken dad has brain damage, treated me better than you. You lied about me every place we lived and nobody ever talked to me. YOU LIED and destroyed my social life. You moron. I had to move to the east coast to get away from you and your lies because the entire west coast thinks I am a pedophile lesbian and that I raped kids when I was 3 freaking years old. You also told all my cousins that I died when I was 12 years old. So, nobody believed that I was who I was when I moved out on my own because they thought I was DEAD!


• Dad. You know I love you dad, and in some ways, I respect you only because you did try to be my dad. But you are a freaking morn too. Your wife physically, verbally, and sexually abused me for 12 years. And you refused to believe me the whole time. And you continue to cling to your moron wife because you get laid by her. Way to freaking go. In case you are wondering, she has tried to poison you several times. She also attempted murder twice on you and knocked you unconscious. Did you know she pulled a gun on my 3 different times ad played Russian roulette? I tried telling you, she told you I was schizophrenic and a pathological liar. Guess what, nothing is wrong with my head, but something is definitely wrong with both of yours.


• My dad's dad. You moron. Your daughter killed your wife. Ripped her off. And you know it. And one more thing, I cannot help that my birth mom was a Finnish Jew. I can't help it anymore than I can help that you are a Nazi, but that both your mom and dad were Jewish, but you refuse to believe it. You're a moron too.


• My half sister. I moved out when I was 20, not when I was 16. There was nothing wrong with me. You should have listened to your husband and not cut me out of your life. I needed you the most, and you abandoned me. You were grown up and moved out of dad's home by the time I was born. You were the one who moved out of the home when you were 16. You were gone. Quit blaming me for taking away your dads love. I didn't ask to be born, and quit blaming me for it.


• My half brother, same goes for you. I can't help how anything turned out. I can't help that my dad beat up your mom when she was pregnant with me and therefore, my twin brother died. I wasn't born yet, quit blaming me. It is not my fault that my dad beat your mom. I lost a bother too. I cannot help that he left OUR mom with brain damage, so much so that after 20 years, she still doesn't recognize me. I cannot help that he kidnapped me when I was 6 and changed my name and moved far away. I was 6. I did not have control in the matter. FYI. I think he would have been a very different man if his new wife had not convinced him to take me far away from his ex-wife so she couldn't find me. So, quit blaming me.


• My ex-fiance. You complete nincompoop. Did you think that I wouldn't break up with you after finding out you were 17? You told me you were 21. When your family found out that we made out, they threatened to have me arrested. I did not know you were only 17. You said you graduated high school and I was only 21. Furthermore, did you think that I would stick around after you hit me across the face? I had to break up with you, you lied, you hit me, and I was being threatened with arrest because you lied. When I found out the truth, I had to break it off or face life in prison. What choice did I have?


• My second boyfriend. What is your problem? You dated 6 women at once and promised us all the moon and marriage. You think I am going to stick around for that? You also believed that sociopathic ex-gf that I was secretly dating your best friend who was gay. He was gay man, and you still believed her. And you dated 6 girls at once. You think I am going to stick around for that? Honestly. I hope you're faithful to your new wife. Please quit contacting me mourning the fact that we never had sex...it's just sick.


• Dear ex-roommate. You're a shitty piece of work. I know you hated me. You went through my stuff, you lied to people. And you know what, I now know why. I caught you red handed stealing from one of your other tenants. You couldn't have that, could you? So you fabricated this story about lies and gossip to the other tenants so you wouldn't get tattled on. You're a freak. By the way, the reason the college fired you was because nobody could stand you, I asked the language department why they fired you, the only Spanish teacher. The position is still open and they are actively looking. But they don't want your freaky ass back in the workforce. At least not with them. Why is that, is it because you pulled the same lame-assed shit there as you did with your four tenants? You know, I could care less if you fucked your ex-5th husband. I could care less who you shagged. Leave me out of it. And no, I did not tell your co-workers. And that is not why you keep getting fired at all the colleges in this state. You're a freaking moron, nobody likes you. You think I am messed up because I am 30 and still a virgin? It's called having a real life that doesn't revolve around your next piece of shag-meat. There's more to life than getting shagged by a drunk. And by-the-way, he drinks because you're abusive to him.


• Other roommate...ex-roommate. You need to check yourself into a hospital. It was 120 degrees in that upstairs room. And yet, because you weren't home, you wouldn't let me turn on the AC until you felt hot in the basement room. You came home every night drunk on your ass. You were 25, in school, with a full time job. I had two jobs and was going to school. You came home with the guys at night and drank. I am so glad to be out of there. But what you did, shutting off my internet, cost me my job. I paid you, you freak. And then you tried to file a false police report that I was a prostitute and running a cat house, ha-ha, fortunately, my friends and I know the police around here, not because we ever stooped to your level, but because we stay on the right side of the law. Your little performance, yeah he though it was funny.


• Mom--I cannot help that my dad and his slutty lesbo-wife kidnapped me. I cannot help that he told your side of the family that I died when I was 6, or that he told his side of the family that I died when I was 12. I cannot help that he was an abusing drunk who raped you. If that's what really happened on your wedding night. I cannot be to blame that he told me you were dead all my life. I was 5/6. I am not to blame for those missing 20 years, I am sorry. I am sorry he messed you up. I am sorry for everything. I know it's not my fault. Please stop blaming me. I was only 6 months old when you divorced. I was 5/6 when he and his new wife kidnapped me. I had no control over it. I had no control over growing up either. I could not freeze time and return to you as a little 5-year-old girl. I was a 25-year-old woman. It's been 4 years since we met. I really needed my mom back then. I really needed my brother. I wanted you to help me find my identity. I need you and my brother. And you both abandoned me and blamed me. You blamed god too. I cannot help it. It is not my fault and not gods fault. My dad was a drunken dick-head. He was sober and mostly sane the last time I saw him 6 years ago. He was a loving, caring, and giving man the last time I saw him. That's what I'd like to remember him as. I can't stop loving him, he is my dad. I cannot stop loving him anymore than I can stop loving you as the mom I remembered when I was 5. I am sorry.


• To the Cops and hospital who refused to take my rape seriously. Just because a girl is in college doesn't mean she is a sleazy whore. I was raped and you did nothing. You called me a liar and refused to make a report. I hope you are proud of yourselves. Because of your indiscretion I had a miscarriage at 3 months. Because you thought I got drunk at a party and refused to believe me that my apartment was broken into, I got gang raped and pregnant. me, a virgin. a 24 year-old woman who was a a hardworking reporter. I was raped and then the guy continued to stalk me until I moved 3,000 miles away and changed my identity. 6 months of fear from the guy who followed me around town for 6 months and continued to threaten to rape me. I still don't sleep at night.


• Dear lady who spread the slander in the new town that I beat up a kid. Your kid punched me several times and threatened to slit my through and called me an f-n whore. He was three. I did not even slap him. I was too shaken up about his abusive language to even react. I do know who hit him. It wasn't me. I know he told you it was me, I was too afraid of him to even react. I was crouched into a corner while he pummeled me. Your 3-year old nephew pummeled me and cussed at me. He was a big kid. As big as a five-year-old. You have to know about it. Yet, someone else, of the five of us who were out that day, slapped him. When you came back in the room he pointed at me and said I beat him. Nobody spoke up. Nobody. And you didn't even ask me what happened. You have to know that the kid has problems. He told me to fuck myself. He had to learn that from somewhere. And yet, you proceeded to destroy my reputation and tell 100+ people that I abused and beat up kids. Your lame!


• Dear Weirdo female who has stalked me these past 5 years. We are not friends. I do not know you, I have never met you. I live on a different part of the country, over 2,000 miles away from you. Please quit finding me and harassing me online. My clients and people I have worked with are tired of getting harassed by you. We did not go to high-school together. I know this because I didn't go to public high school nor live in your state when you went to high-school. We are ten years apart and I was graduated from college before you ever thought of high-school. I don't know you, leave me alone!


• There are more of you out there, more I have not mentioned. Professors who flunked me because I believe god exists and you believed in atheism. You are an English professor. Get some balls and suck it up when one of your students has a different belief system. Get over yourself.


• There are so many more of you out there, people who have spread lies about me, people who think its okay to put me down. You know what, you are all a bunch of sad wimps.

Please just go away. For too many years I put up with your lies, your drug abuse, your emotional abuse, for too many years I bit my tongue while you were "too strict" on the kids. When it turned to full abuse on them, I'd had enough. I gave you six months to do three simple things: Marriage counseling, parenting classes, and to stop stealing prescription drugs. You refused the marriage counseling, you only did two weeks of the classes, and you simply hid your theft and drug abuse for a few weeks and then stopped even trying that. So yeah, I grew some balls, I did what I HAD to do to protect my kids. I told you to leave. You refused, you threatened to kill my friends for putting the idea in my head. You threatened to burn down my house that I worked my ass off to purchase, while you sat at home and used drugs and whined about your health problems while I worked 2-3 jobs to pay the bills, in spite of MY health problems. So yeah, I got that restraining order, and got you removed from MY HOME. It's been almost a year now, and now you start calling my friends' bosses trying to get them fired biased on your lies?! You are the lowest son of a bitch, and I don't care if seeing me happy and moving on hurts you to the core, because nothing will ever cause me to come back to you now that I know better. Please just go away, leave us alone to live our lives with what happiness we can find because a day without you in it is better then it ever was with you in it. My kids are smiling again, they're not afraid to sleep at night, and while we have years of therapy ahead of us still, we're one hell of a lot better off then we were a year ago. So stop trying in your sick and twisted ways to "get back" at me through my friends. The only person you have to blame is YOU. I gave you so many chances, so many opportunities, I loved you unconditionally, but when I finally understood that you weren't capable of behaving as more than a sadistic father figure, I was done trying. No more kids going to bed hungry because you decided they didn't deserve dinner. No more teenagers acting out because of you telling them they are whores or sluts. My gods, did you really think that was ok and normal? Oh and thanks for at least teaching me how to shoot better. I sleep with my .45 now, just in case you show up, and yeah, you taught me to never shoot someone unless I intended to kill them, so be warned, if you ever show up at my door, I will shoot to kill without regret, because I'd rather have that on my conscious, than the thought that I DIDN'T do something to protect my children from you.

Don't go away mad.... Just go the hell away.

Your once loving and soon to be ex-wife.

This was over about two months before you dumped me, so why is it a surprise that staying friends isn't working? I just want to move on, and you're not letting me. I'm trying to quit the things I started because of you, and you're stressing me out and making it harder for me. Maybe you're happy with doing drugs all through high school and never going to class or really amounting to anything, but I'm not. I'm not giving up my future because you seem determined to drive me to drink. I'm trying to do well in school for what time I have left of it, get into a good college, and get a good job. I'm also tired of you being so damn possessive. You get pissed off when I'm in the company of boys and you're not even my boyfriend anymore. I'm having a really hard time getting over you and getting a date with the nice NON-druggie guy who I like with you there trying to hold my attention and ready to jump him if he touches me. Are you trying to mess up my life just because you already messed up yours? So stop calling me at night, stop trying to guilt-trip me into talking to you, and give it up already. It's about time you let me move on, you controlling son of a bitch.

No love here,
The girl of whom you just won't let go

I know you're a bubbly personality, and you get very excited about the little things in life. And I know you have to have that elevated chair that lifts you above the cubicle walls because of your health issues. And I also know that you're pretty sure I'm one of the people who complain, on a regular basis, about your lack of volume control. Yes, I really do hear every word of your conversations. Really. Honestly. Even when I'm trying to have one of my own with my own customer, and I'm sitting 10 feet away.

But I have to wonder, do you know how close you came to being injured today, when you insisted on singing hymns under your breath, whenever you weren't on a call this afternoon? What makes you think everyone else enjoys the sound of your voice as much as you (apparently!) do? Because I have to tell you, your songs were making me feel decidedly unspiritual.

Sincerely,
Your coworker, who will be buying new earplugs this weekend.

No matter WHAT you think, YOU were the rude one, not me. I didn't verbally attack you, like you chose to do to me. I made an honest mistake, and was trying to explain that to you and apologize. But apparently, you took an extra dose of Bitch Pills that morning, and boy were they working! I hope you know what an a$$ you made of yourself in front of the other customers and cashier. I finally decided it was a losing cause and just kept my mouth shut, content to let you stomp out to wreak havoc in other people's lives, as long as it wasn't mine.

Sincerely,
Woman Who Accidentally Almost Cut In Front of You